Sunday, November 21, 2010

A Note on Grooming

Ladies, we have a problem. Increasingly, we here at the Gazette-ette have been noticing a horrifying trend among young ladies of (supposed) class: under-groomed women taking to the street in un-coiffed droves! Clad in the so-called ‘track-pant’ these slovenly dames are depressingly uncouth and the mere sight of them is enough to reduce one to such a state as to require the application of a cold compress to one’s forehead and a good lie down. Now, one does not expect everyone to be as well groomed as oneself – I am a charitable soul and the first to acknowledge that the abject perfection of these curls really is beyond the reach of most ladies. However! One does expect a lady to brush her hair and apply some semblance of makeup, even an simple application of that dratted sticky gunge that young ladies of ill-breeding refer to as ‘lip gloss’ would be acceptable at this point. 

Perhaps, in order to combat such lack of propriety, it would be appropriate to call upon the wisdom of those greater than I, so I shall refer you, my dears, to the melodious words of one Coco Chanel whom, despite being of the dreaded Nouveau Riche and French to boot, has managed to have some of said pearls of wisdom recorded for posterity (damned if I know how she did it too, other than employing the rather conceited effect of having a biographer follow her about the place):

“I don't understand how a woman can leave the house without fixing herself up a little - if only out of politeness. And then, you never know, maybe that's the day she has a date with destiny. And it's best to be as pretty as possible for destiny.”

And in desperate times such as these it is best to disregard the words of her Nouveau Riche compatriot from the colonies, Eleanor Roosevelt (after all, the woman did marry her cousin – and they’re not even royalty!)

"No matter how plain a woman may be if truth & loyalty are stamped upon her face all will be attracted to her."

Toodle Pip Ladies!

Ms Delores Mantooth


  1. I suppose Roosevelt belived in rubbish notions such as charity as well. Hmph, not on my watch.

  2. Hear! Hear! Charity is only acceptable when carried out for material gain. I've never heard such pish posh! Truth & loyalty won't get you a husband my dear.