Welcome ladies to the inaugural communication of the Gazette-ette. I am Lady Penelope Primcoque, of the Derbyshire Primcoques, and it is my great pleasure to introduce this most noble publication. The Gazette-ette is dedicated to the dignified cause of providing a guide to those ladies who have become lost in the maze of modern life and in so doing have lost sight of propriety, manners and decorum. For without proper etiquette one can be regarded as no better than the Huns that populate the continent and whom delight in disregarding proper tea drinking etiquette and seek to degrade the very fibre of our society!
Ahem, so with great fanfare may I present to you, our dear readers, the editorial team. All of whom are as dedicated as myself to the guiding of ladies through the ocean of Jap mines that modern life has become:
Lady Penelope Primcoque - LITERATURE AND CULTURE
Audrey Feathersnatch - SULTRY KITCHEN MASTER
Vivienne Claybottom - THE LADY ADVENTURER
Lady Henrietta Wrinkleblouse-Smythe - OPERA & THE ARTS
Ms Delores Mantooth (pictured left, with close friend Marilyn) - FASHION & BEAUTY
So in this, our first post, it is only prudent for one to draw attention to the grave abuse of all that is proper, something which threatens the holy office of the Monarchy and brings impending doom to the Empire. Yes, I speak of the momentous occasion that occurred today when Prince Charles announced the engagement of his first born and heir to one Katherine Middleton. That is correct, your monocle has not fogged. Her family name is Middleton. One may as well just call oneself “Miss Mary Plainjane”. The overwhelming horreur (pardon my French) at this pronouncement was so great as to cause one to inhale a large portion of hot mustard from one’s morning toast and much undignified eye-watering did ensue. So much so that the maid believed I had teared up with joy. Joy? Really, how crude. I fired her on the spot for such impertinence. One really cannot get good help these days. No matter, Lord Primcoque’s man is on the job of unearthing us a decent maid – not easy in this town. Nevertheless, back to the event at hand. Whilst one can only be pleased that the time-honoured Royal tradition of marrying one’s sister has fallen by the wayside, the introduction of common blood really has gotten out of control. Really, there is nothing to be done except to wish the happy couple a quick car chase in a narrow tunnel, for us five at The Gazette-ette feel we have been somewhat overlooked as royal brides and we’re not willing to lower the bar for that carrot Harry, regardless of the male pattern balding that William has begun to show.
Until next time, au revoir!
Lady Penelope Primcoque